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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Wandering back to the path.

I feel like I need to come back here, one of my earliest homes in the blog world, before I ever became a hula hooper or a professional blogger, before I felt like I had something to teach other people.  Sometimes when you get lost, starting from the beginning is the most effective way to get found again.

A lot has changed since the last time I wrote in this blog.  I got down to my all-time lowest weight of 221.  I became a gym rat, working out religiously 5-6 days a week.  On May 31st, my boyfriend Cecil fell while hiking with the dogs and broke his leg badly.  He required surgery and it was months before he was able to walk again.  I was actually *AT THE GYM* when I got the call that he had broken his leg.  After that, life got insane.  All the things he usually did, he was no longer able to do.  Mow the grass.  Cut firewood.  Take out the trash.  Feed the dogs.  Maintain our vehicles.  Maintain the house.  Fix things that break.  Care for the vegetable and flower gardens.  HE DID EVERYTHING!  All I did before he broke his leg was basically go to work, go to the gym, cook meals and grocery shop.  He did all the rest of the housework plus all the "manly" work PLUS he did most of the fabrication work for our business, Ruby Hooping.

After he fell my life became insanely busy trying to just keep things running at a basic level.  PLUS I had to take care of him as he was completely immobile for those first 2-3 months.  Bring him every meal, bring him drinks, bring him medicine, go to the library for him, basically do everything for him.

We argued a lot.  It was a lot of stress on our relationship.  He felt frustrated that he couldn't help me do anything and I felt overwhelmed and exhausted plus I lived in fear that my healthy lifestyle was going to get completely wrecked.

And it did.  I mean, don't get me wrong--I'm still exercising.  I'm still trying to be mindful of what I eat. But am I in that beautiful zone where I'm focused on a hard hour-long workout every single day up to 6 days a week, getting my pleasure from foods like celery and apples?  NO MA'AM.  I am struggling.  Here are we almost 7 months since he fell, and I'm still fighting daily to not completely lose sight of the healthy me I want to be.

Oh and I had surgery on August 20th.  Brachioplasty (upper arm lift).  I had 7 pounds of skin and flesh removed from my arms where it was hanging down like wings after my massive weight loss.  MY ARMS LOOK FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the surgery combined with Cecil's accident, and I'm totally struggling now.  I've gained roughly 20 pounds over the last 7 months.  20 pounds used to seem like nothing to me, but when you get closer to a normal weight, 20 pounds feels like as much as 100 pounds used to.  It seems impossible some days.  But I know that I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I CAN AND WILL DO THIS :)